I came up to North Dakota to my parents’ farm for the weekend. I wasn’t going to, but my grandmother thought I was, and went to all the trouble of making me a bunch of vegan food – her homemade buns veganized, apple pie, and a very tasty pasta/chickpea/tomato soup. (I’m guessing it has a better name than that, but I forgot to ask). I was so touched by her effort that I decided I HAD to make the 7+ hour trip from Minneapolis. The food was great, and I am so proud of my grandmother for making such an effort for me. That was the good part of the weekend – not everyone has been quite so awesome and supportive.
Last night I was at the local bar meeting up with some friends from high school. One of those friends had heard through the grapevine that I had gone vegan (word travels fast), and he decided to ask me a million questions about it. I’m fine with having open, honest discussions/debates about my choices because I have nothing to hide. HOWEVER, it can be incredibly frustrating when the people asking the questions don’t actually want to hear me out. I felt like he was asking me questions, assuming what I would say before I responded, and then retorting without actually having listened to what I was trying to explain. Talk about an exercise in futility.
One of the things he said was that it’s okay to eat meat because people have always eaten meat – that’s just how the world works. I argued that our perceptions of food are molded by our culture. In some cultures, for example, eating dog meat is acceptable, but in the U.S. I doubt you’d find a whole lot of people who would say they’d order a dog steak if given the opportunity. Most of us find that idea repelling. I tried to explain that similarly, there are cultures and/or religious groups who forbid the eating of pork (Muslims, for example), and some other groups, like the Essenes, who refuse to eat any animal products at all. It is only because we (up here in The Land of Meat & Potatoes) were taught that eating pigs, chickens, cows, turkeys and other animals is acceptable that we do it. That doesn’t make it right or any more “normal” than eating dogs or cats or horses. Well, my friend didn’t even listen to what I was trying to say. He just told me it was ridiculous to think of eating dogs – disgusting, even – but eating pigs and cows wasn’t. I, of course disagreed. When I asked for his reasoning, all he could come up with was “because, that’s just how it is.” To me, that’s not an explanation.
I know I’m not going to change his mind, and honestly, that wasn’t even my goal, but I also feel like you should listen to someone’s answer when you ask a question. That’s all I wanted – JUST LISTEN TO ME and at least open your mind up a little bit, or just don’t ask me! I guess I knew I wasn’t going to change his mind, and having not made this whole “vegan decision” lightly, it’s not like he was going to change mine either, and that’s fine, but sometimes I just hate talking about it when I feel I’m not being heard. Mostly it just amazes me how much people care about what I eat — people who don’t even have much involvement in my life. I suppose I just need to get over it, and not get so worked up by it.
Sorry for the rant there. In an effort to end this post on a positive note, here are some pictures from this weekend!
I feel your frustration, as I’m sure every vegan does. Have you read “Vegan Freaks” yet? If not, git yerself a copy. There’s also an inspiring post on Vegan FAQs about being perceived as “strong” because we’re vegan. I sent that to everyone I know, particularly to my Dad. I spent eight days with him this month and I realize he’ll never change, but, like your friend, he refuses to even listen. I’m hoping he’ll at least read.
So, I had these friends once (they are friends no more for more reasons than I’ll discuss here) who dogged me constantly about veganism. They’d eat my food and pronounce it good, but say things such as “This would be great with some ground beef.” They’d also introduce themselves to my friends that they were meeting for the first time with “Do you eat of the flesh as God intended?” One of them would tell me from time to time that she felt guilty about all the suffering involved in her food choices, but that “meat tastes _so_ good.” That’s acculturation and it’s a tough nut to crack.
Good on ya for sticking to your vegan guns. And kudos to your very cool grandma. That was worth driving for, wasn’t it?
Great pics, too. It’s pretty where your folks live.
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Yeah, you’re grandma rocks. How is it that a grandma in North Dakota more open to veganism than a 20-something? Could it be that she’s wiser? Has seen more of this world and knows enough about life to know when she sees true appreciation of it?
How many horrible things have happened in this world because too many people say, “that’s just how it is.”
Slavery is wrong! That’s just how it is.
Child labor is wrong! That’s just how it is.
Denying the vote to women is wrong! That’s just how it is.
The good news is that the defenders of the status quo will almost always (eventually) loose. Years ago it was perfectly acceptable to shoot and drown stray dogs in cities. The level of violence toward animals that people find acceptable has decreased and is decreasing.
And yeah, those photos are great. I love the first one and the clouds in the second one. Oh, and the dogs are nice too.
Ah, small-minded people. It’s the same for me, kinda. I mean, vegans are way weirder than vegetarians, so I usually just say, “I mean, I’m not vegan or anything!” To make them realize I’m not crazy.
Also, is Otis leering at me in that 3rd picture? Is he??? Tell him I’m sorry but I don’t have any more treats to email him.
[...] there – some symbolism or message, even if it’s a really weird dream. Maybe after my disagreement this weekend, my subconscious was just reinforcing my choice to be vegan? Any suggestions are welcome! Unless [...]
Sheryl: Your ex-”friends” sound really super, I can’t believe you didn’t keep those gems around! Thanks for the support, and yes, grandma’s effort was well worth the drive home!
Al: Isn’t it crazy that my grandmother is more progressive/understanding than someone our age? Maybe it’s just that she loves me more… At any rate, yeah, the status quo is kind of a bunch of crap if you ask me.
Apollocreed: Haha, I’m glad you can deflect criticism about your vegetarianism using veganism. Jerkstore! And yes, I am pretty sure Otis is mad at you. I told him that you sent some treats but they never came and now he is pretty upset about it. You will really have to work hard to win his trust back.
Oh, I forgot to mention that one of these ex-friends is the current VP of Communications for … Feld Entertainment! Yes, the filthy, vile circus. That was a real problem for me. Oh yeah.
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